A few days ago I read an article on toxic people you should let go of as you head into the new year.

The clear realization as I was reading was that to every one of the toxic personalities mentioned, you can just say "no".
What do we owe people who are toxic to us? Nothing. We can be kindly indifferent by not engaging. This idea that the only way to be nice is to put yourself aside for the sake of someone else is ridiculous. We are not all going to be compatible. Our energies often let us know that long before we are able to kindly and calmly disengage. That is a *you* behavior to change, not a *them* behavior to change.  Because you may not enjoy being around their energy doesn't mean anything other than they feel toxic to you.
Be on your way. Move along.

The truth is it's not up to the other person to change, it's up to you to be true to yourself. Another's personality might be toxic to you but not to someone else. Period. End of story. No big deal.

Learning to say "no" is a sign of self-respect.
You're important to you. You value your beliefs, your outlook, your time. It's not about the other person at all. It's about what feeds you, your life, your soul. I know how hard this can be. I've come a long way, but still struggle with it at times. That's okay.  Like any behavior modification process, the practice of saying "no" becomes easier and more meaningful. Being in practice is better than being stuck!

As we head into the new year, learn to say "no" without self-judgment. Reread my post on friendship (be a friend ) and rid yourself of toxicity even from yourself this new year!
Cheers!!

**I'll share one of my favorite lines related to this (20ish seconds at the beginning of the clip) ...just add "to me" after the judgment in the statement and it's spot on!  "just shoot me" line   I wish I had the balls to say this sometimes! :)**

when new habits become old habits

Congratulations!
You changed your old habits that were getting in your way of good health and happiness.

It's been over 4 years since I've been living my "new" habits.
Better nutrition. Regular and effective workouts. Learning to include 'me' in my prioritization near or at the top of the list, which has been one of the tougher new habits to practice.

I needed to take a few days off from the gym recently. The first day I pretty much sat around and grazed all day. When Laurence got home I told him that and, without skipping a beat, he said, "At least you've been eating good food." 
Hmmm. True. But it was still just mindless grazing.

My new habits have become old habits. 
Too many taro chips are still counterproductive to my overall health despite being a better choice than potato chips. 
Too much snacking later in the day on better choices is still too much snacking later in the day.

When new habits become old habits, it's once again time to shake yourself up. It might mean one little shift here and there, but those little changes keep our bodies and minds awake.

no time...er

My hubster and I took a long walk yesterday and a long drive/short walk today.

No reason.
No training for anything.
No timer.

It's been a long time since we've had made the time to do this.  Our weekends are short, with things to do. Um, okay...so...

Every day because of my job:
I move with intent.
I live training for life.
I depend on the clock.

Laurence and I went biking a few times this summer, but since I'm not a biker and needed to train a little for a sprint triathlon, I would get annoyed we weren't going faster. I had to make the outing count toward training! HA
I finally let that go and knew when we biked, it was just to bike...but I didn't love it...it didn't count.

Cut to this weekend....months later. 
No reason.
No training for anything.
No timer.

This time I loved it.
Thank you Universe shift!

practice the intangible

I practice to become proficient at _______________.

This is easy, right?
To practice something tangible is indeed easy.
You make the time to do it.
CrossFitters do it every time we walk up to a barbell.

To practice something intangible is hard.
You practice breaking through comfort zone patterns.
You practice digging internally to compartmentalize fears and allow the possibilities of your real truths in.
You practice steeling yourself against reactions.
You practice word choices in your head to become proficient at saying  ________________.

Practice the intangible.
Become proficient with your words.
Words are the tools for your truth.

giving notice

Giving notice: as individuals, how we notice things that occur in our lives.

This is not a new idea. Of course we all notice our lives based on our backgrounds. Those shape our view.  The simplicity of the word resonates with me. We complicate things by feeling we need to detail/define/declare everything we talk about. Not true...at least from my perspective. ;)
My father-in-law used to call this unnecessary verbiage "suet".
Truth!

Not all interactions require response. Not all interactions mean there's a connection with each other deep enough to want to respond. That's okay.
It's just beneficial to give notice to how another person notices life.
It's just beneficial to give notice to how you yourself notices life, and how you choose your words to support your life.

A favorite quote from John Demartini:

use the Sunday mug

My father, with whom I had many discussions about financials regarding both real and imaginary dollars, gave me a mug years ago. 

Need I really give any reason why I love this mug?
I mean, come on!
My father and I shared both constructive conversations and laughs...usually the bawdier the better. 

I find myself being so protective of this mug. The 'spinner' with YES/NO/? is on a little metal pin.  Dishwasher? I think not! I'd get a little twisted when I'd see it there. How many times have I quietly removed it to hand wash it...passive/aggressive doesn't work. No one really ever 'hears' you!


I also have a newer mug that I bought for myself a couple years ago.

I call this my Sunday mug.  It has great colors, a good size and the lip of it, as you can see, splays out in a perfect way to cradle my lips as I sip my Sunday coffee.  As for Sunday? It's a one of my favorite mornings. 
The Sunday paper is delivered.
I usually don't have any plans for the day outside the house.
I'm up early enough to enjoy some time alone.
My Sunday mug (clearly connected to my emotional attachment to my relaxed Sunday mornings) is awaiting the first pour from the carafe while I await my first few sips. (I start thinking about it Sat night before I go to bed....sad, I know!)
The paper is mine until Laurence gets up. muahahahaha
After we've both been up for a while I make a big breakfast and as Laurence continues to read through the paper, I work on one of the crossword puzzles over breakfast while sipping on more coffee out of my perfectly 'lipped' mug. 
It's part of the Sunday package.

Until recently.
Now I'm using the Sunday mug on Tuesday and not getting so tweaked when I find my Wall Street mug in the dishwasher.
I mean, WTF?
THINGS...just things. 
My conversations...and jokes...with my father are with me all the time, whenever I want to reference one.
My Sunday mornings are not the only mornings that deserve a relaxed sigh with a special mug.
If anything gets broken and I no longer have it, my memories and my Sunday mornings will still be intact.  Shocking, I know.
So I'm going to keep playing with the 'spinner' on my Wall Street mug while it continues to work and I'm going to use the Sunday mug any day I damn well please.
Just know that if you want any financial advise, you'd better ask before the 'spinner' breaks.

today

Today is where you are.
Today is where you begin anew.
Today is a good day!

I am a human. Yes.
I am a woman. Yes.
I am a CrossFitter. Yes.

CrossFit is all about today. 
It's not 'just' about staying fit and get fitter.
It teaches us that every day is new.
It teaches us that every day is an opportunity to be kind to ourselves by either pushing ourselves beyond where we thought we could go or to be kind to ourselves by modifying a workout to get the most out of what we have today.
It teaches us about who we are through mental strength as well as physical strength.
It teaches us that because every day and every workout is different, we can only do the best we can today.
It teaches us that if we fail today, we can start anew tomorrow.
It teaches us to think about a plan in order to achieve more.
It teaches us to believe in own abilities.
It teaches us to just keep moving forward.

You were an athlete.
You were more active.
You were lighter.
Those are all *so what*s.

Today is where you are.
You have sore shoulders.
You have tight calves.
You have wonky knees.
You broke a bone.
You have a disease.
You have recovery time from surgery.
You have nerve damage from a surgery.
Those are also *so what*s.

We are all the same in that we all have something 'off-kilter' that could be a life blocker or a crutch. The difference is what a person does with those things. 
CrossFit teaches you that nothing has to stop you.
If you pay attention, CrossFit teaches you to pay closer attention to yourself. 
Today is the day on which you base your efforts, whether they be rest, modifications, or all-out effort.  That's it.
It's that simple.
It's also that deep. 
The depths of how CrossFit's lessons permeate the rest of your life is both surprising and profound.
The confidence to get through anything is what's profound. 


Today is where you are.
Today is where you being anew.
Today is a good day!

who would you be?

The Five People You Meet In Heaven
               ~~Mitch Albom~~

I read this long ago and consistently find my mind wandering to its concept. There have been many people who've come in and out of my life, exponentially so since I began CrossFit. That's one of the many perks of CrossFit for which I am grateful. The community of CF is talked about all the time and to those on the 'outside' it may seem phony. To those of us on the 'inside' it's powerfully true. The community is as diverse as the numbers of people in it. By diverse I'm referring to energies.  As with any group, not all energies are rosy and gentle, but the mix of everyone is important. I know I wouldn't be who or where I am now without meeting many of the people I have met through CrossFit.

Sometimes the 'why' of an energy in my life, rosy or blue, is a mystery, but begrudgingly eventually I'll take the time to dig because I'll want to find a balanced place for it within me. Some require heavy work, some just a quick look then a nod of "thank you".

Seconds change minutes that change days that change life directions.
The second I met my husband opened up a life that led to four more amazing people in my life...our daughters.
The second I was encouraged to try CrossFit opened up a life that has me living with my eyes wide open, not just in a foggy haze of growing old.

If you haven't read Albom's quick, interesting book, I recommend it.
If you have, then do you, also, ever think about:
Who would you be if you had never met __________?
Where would you be if you had never met ___________?

 

your yin/yang

Never underestimate the power of stillness. 
Never underestimate the power of quietness.
Never underestimate the power of being alone.

The boisterous, fun, joyous energy experienced at CrossFit Beacon is beyond wonderful.
There is a consistency to the movement and flow that surrounds me at Beacon.
I love being challenged to become a better coach and athlete. What I learn for my job helps me to continue to grow as a person. It's a part of my life I've allowed to evolve. I never imagined.

Having the balance of stillness, quietness and alone time when I'm away from the gym is beyond important, it's necessary. 
It allows the best and worst of every experience to bubble up, to be seen and felt. 
Absorb, listen, feel. Don't shy away from it.  Embrace it.

Never underestimate the need for balance.
Never underestimate the need to be alone.
Never underestimate your yin/yang.

the little things

I bought a few oranges today.
Nothing earth shattering, I know.

 I just felt like having a drink...basically a screwdriver with a little soda water.  But we don't keep orange juice in the house, hence the purchase of a few oranges.


fresh orange juice
plenty of vodka

As I was juicing my oranges a sudden and breathstopping awareness overcame me.
Today is January 5th.
My father crossed over on January 5th, 2005.
January 5th.
Leonard was well into his 88th year.
He died from a massive heart attack which occurred while he was in the process of juicing oranges for his wife's breakfast. In their later years, Leonard juiced fresh oranges for Jane every morning.
He left earth in the middle of a gesture of love. 



Celebrating 50 years of marriage

In the photo ----> , Len and Jane were renewing their vows in the presence of their 6 grown children.  Slight alterations to their clothes, but the same hearts showed up. The same ones present when Len asked Jane to marry him three days after they met.  Their marriage wasn't perfect, but they loved each other and that was enough for them to work hard together and keep loving each other.  They were together for 60 years.

By this picture, my mother had already begun her slide into Alzheimers, but Dad just kept loving her and kept juicing fresh oranges for her every morning. 

It's the little things we do for each other that speak the loudest and mean the most.

On this January 5th, with my vodka laced, freshly juiced oranges I say CHEERS to the most wonderful father who taught me, by example, how to love.



I've never been very serious. Dad didn't mind.
Not sure about my girls. :)



Leonard W. Swett
4/1916-1/2005
 



I can't escape those squinty eyes
and I'm okay with that!